The Hour I First Believed - Wally Lamb

This book has been sitting on my shelves for probably nine months, maybe more - a product of a Borders coupon. It is the last book on my TBR Reading Challenge list, and I've been waiting for the right "mood" to come along before I started it. After all, in my mind, it is the fictionalized Columbine book and is over 700 pages long. I need to be strong for this one!

I should know better than to have any preconceived notion about a book before I read it. This was not just about a fictional character that survived Columbine. It was a journey.

Yes, it is true that the protagonist, Caelum Quirk, is a middle-aged teacher, who, along with his wife Maureen, works at Columbine. At the beginning of the story, we find them both in a state of mid-life crisis, trudging through their lives questioning their marriage, their self-worth, their faith, their family ties. And the devastating events at Columbine act as a nuclear explosion, ripping their lives and everything they know into scattered, unrecognizable pieces. The effects on Caelum and Mo are catastrophic. Post-traumatic stress invades every niche of their lives, bringing with it countless psychiatrists, drugs, depression, paranoia and nausea. In this section of the story, Lamb masterfully weaves the facts of Columbine...details that are still painful to swallow even today...with the fictional lives of the Quirks which undoubtedly reflect the collateral damage of the actual victims.

Caelum and Mo pick up and move their lives to Connecticut, to Caelum's birthplace which has been in his family for over four generations and was bequeathed to him after his aunt's recent death. While they may have physically separated themselves from Columbine, their problems are not over. Caelum has a troubled history here that prevents him from securing a good job. Mo is not rebounding from her post-traumatic stress symptoms and cannot work. Circumstances spiral out of control, and the unthinkable happens. Just when you think things couldn't any worse...they do.

To make ends meet, Caelum rents part of his farm house to a couple running away from the disaster of Hurricane Katrina. The wife happens to be working on her doctorate in Women's Studies, and discovers mountains of letters and diary entries recording the lives of Caelum's ancestors going back to the early 1800's, primarily focused on Caelum's great great grandmother. As a basis for her thesis, she reconstructs the Quirk genealogy. The past unfolds, revealing family members that were activists, drunks, prostitutes, adulterers and bi-sexual flakes, leaving more than one skeleton in the attic. Questions bubble up to the top of Caelum's life...who IS he anyway? What does all of this mean? Why did his family keep all of this a huge secret from him?

At this stage, one would be expected to sit straight up, scratch their head, and scream "whaaaa??". The book continues to dart down dark, 90 degree angle paths, right to the very end. While I might be in my right to accuse this book of having an identity crisis, I can't go there. If you have read anything else by Lamb, you know that this is his M.O. and if you know what is good for you, you trust the guy to get you to an all-knowing, Zen state by page 734.

What we are left with is this. Engaging writing, with a good dose of dry wit and humor, about a cast of characters (fictional AND real) that are flawed beyond imagination. There are times when you aren't sure you even like Caelum Quirk. Tragedy and heartbreak for sure, that resembles an act of God in slow motion. The lasting effects of war. (War being loosely defined and applying to two teenagers with guns, the Civil War, or the war in Iraq.) The irresistible pull of one's ancestry. The need for faith. And the joy of life.

The ending is tied up a bit too neatly, but still left me short of breath and rattled. Which I like. Want to go an emotional adventure? Don't let this one sneak away from you.

4.5 out of 5 stars