Monday Matinee: Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)

For the first time in awhile, I was coerced by my daughter to see this movie on opening night, standing in long lines and NOT getting my preferred theater seating (right behind the rail so I can prop up my feet!).  I can't say this was high on my list, but I will never turn down an opportunity to see Thor...I mean Chris Hemsworth...strut his stuff.


This story is a darker, twisted version of Snow White.  You've got your mean queen (Charlize Theron), who quickly seduces King Magnus, a recent widower and father of Snow White, then kills him on their wedding night.  She locks up Snow White in the tower, and proceeds to be mean and evil to her kingdom.  Until she sees a wrinkle.  


She summons the presence of Snow White, who is now a young adult with heaving bosom and rose red lips (Kristin Stewart).  Evil Queen intends to suck in and absorb Snow White's youth and beauty, which is her own version of age-defying pro retinol.  Only Snow White escapes.  So the Huntsman (Thor) is hired to chase her into the Dark Forest and kill her.  In return, the queen promises to resurrect the Huntsman's dead wife.  Hey Huntsman, I have some land I'd like to sell you!   

But you see, Snow White is the fairest in the kingdom, she enchants animals and inspires armies to follow her.  And the Huntsman is handsome.  So you can figure it out.  They become allies, they run into some dwarves (who look like gnarly Hobbits) and have adventures and conspire to overthrow the Evil One.  


Yada yada yada.  I'm sure you won't see the movie for the edge-of-your-seat plotting.  So.  Why should you see this movie?  


If you enjoy fairy tale remakes, this one isn't bad.  I always grimace when I hear they have made another because historically they have not been very good.  The effects are respectable, Theron is pretty horrid (but she is also very hot), and Thor...I mean the Huntsman...is just so handsome.  There is absolutely no character development, but did we expect it?  Not really.

The problem I had personally is believing that Kristin Stewart had the looks and the charm to conquer all.  She stumbled and tramped and plodded through the entire movie with a pained look on her face.  I think it is the only face she has in her arsenal.  She didn't look pure or enchanting.  She actually looked smelly.


But if you can get past that, and go for pure entertainment value, then you will probably be happy.  Please keep in mind, this is not the Disney version, and isn't for kids.  There is a good deal of blood and violence and scary images.  There isn't anything remotely sexual however, except for the heaving bosoms, Theron's naked back, and a few chaste kisses, nor is their language.  
  

My 14 year-old did enjoy it.  She likes the fairy tale remakes and romantic notions, and loved the scenes when Snow White draws all of the animals to her.  So take it for what it is worth.


There were two middle-aged women sitting right behind my daughter and I, cackling like chickens the entire movie.  So they found something entertaining.  I think they were having their own little Thor-fest back there.


Will you be seeing this one?  Let me know what you thought.


Recommendation:  Rent on Netflix