Thursday, September 16, 2010

Jenners and Sandy cook up a great American novel



Hello and welcome to the "Cooking the Books" show, where you, too, can learn to create amazing literary works of art! Today, your hosts Jenners and Sandy will be demonstrating their culinary prowess by preparing a most complicated dish, but one well worth the effort, and is sure to impress your friends.




Recipe for Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

1 cup of Greece
2 cups of Detroit
1/2 cup of San Francisco
1/4 cup of Berlin

Mix thoroughly in a bowl and set aside.

Obtain a new copy of Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews. Carefully remove the evil grandmother and spooky old house and delicately extract the incest story line. Place the story line on a greased 13x9 baking pan.















In a food processor, grind one U.S. history textbook, one genetics textbooks, and The Greek-Turkish War by Stravos T. Stravidis into fine powder. Sprinkle over the incest story line removed from Flowers in Attic.

Using a mandolin, slice the chrome from vintage Cadillacs into small cubes and mix with the hair of Howard Stern and three silkworms. Drizzle with the sweat gathered from the locker room of a girl's boarding school and the tears of immigrants. Then blend in a dollop of your choice (depending on your tastes) of tragedies of the ancient Greeks and 3 ounces of moonshine delivered by rum runners during the Prohibition. Fold gently into the bowl containing Greece, Detroit, San Francisco and Berlin.















Let the bowl sit for three generations. It will rise into a dough that has the scent of crocuses and the glimmering fish scales of a mermaid. Roll out the dough on a floured work surface and place the textbook-covered incest story line into the center of the dough. Roll the dough into an architectural shape that is pleasing to the eye but unfit for everyday life.


Melt the family scenes from My Big Fat Greek Wedding and brush onto the outside of the dough.












Bake for for as long as it takes you to listen to "Dude Looks Like A Lady" by Aerosmith, "The Immigrant Song" by Led Zeppelin, and "Pink Cadillac" by Aretha Franklin or until golden brown. Garnish with a Pulitzer Prize.











Yields: 544 pages or 17 discs of pure literary delight!



Notes from Chef Jenners: This wasn't my first recipe by Eugenides; I sampled his Virgin Suicides Family Platter a few years ago and found it not to be to my taste. But this recipe!!!! Mamma Mia ... what a wonderful glorious meal it is. Never before have I tasted a Prefetal Omniscient Narrator ... such a delight! And the Let's Progress Time Through A Series of Snapshot Phrases was succulent and tender. I'll definitely be sampling more of what Eugenides cooks up for us to enjoy. Bon Appétit!



Notes from Chef Sandy: If you would like to prepare the audio version of this recipe, you mustn't be intimidated. Simply add a new pair of tennis shoes, an MP3 player, and the voice of Kristoffer Tabori (who I believe was put on this earth solely for the purpose of this recipe variation) to the initial Greece/Detroit/San Francisco/Berlin mixture and blend well. Serve with a bottle of vintage 2003 Audie Award. Enjoy!




24 comments:

JoAnn said...

LOVE THIS!!! You two are awesome!

farmlanebooks said...

I loved this! Please can you do more book recipes for us?

Melody said...

I love this post! You and Jenners have to post more of these!

bermudaonion said...

You two totally rock! You need to write a book together.

Marieke said...

Can I just say that this is the most brilliant thing I have read all year! I'm just mad I didn't think of it first myself. But there's no way I could have pulled it off with such style. PLEASE do more!

Zibilee said...

I loved this! I also would love to see more book recipes! I read Middlesex so long ago that I have forgotten all the mind-bending goodness, so after reading this very creative post, I am going to have to pick it up again and give it another shot. I do remember really liking it, which is why it earned a place on the permanent shelf, but the more pertinent details have escaped me. Thanks Jenners and Sandy for this excellent post!

Jenners said...

Sandy --- I think we're going to have to consider writing a book cookbook together!!! Let's give our brains a rest and maybe next year we can try it again! Of course, it helps to have brilliant source material like "Middlesex" to work from! I'm so excited by the response to our partnership! : )

You're the best!

rhapsodyinbooks said...

Such talent! And it sounds very low cal, too!

Julie P. said...

You guys are hilarious! I do see a future book opportunity here!

Alyce said...

What a wonderfully original post! I don't think I want to read the book, but loved your collaboration.

Beth F said...

You guys are the funniest!!!! LOVE this.

avisannschild said...

I almost skipped over this post cuz it sounded so weird, but I'm very glad I didn't! You guys are brilliant -- and I'm sure I'd appreciate this even more if I'd read the book! Hope you'll do more!

Amy said...

This is hilariously awesome. What a great way to do a book review!!!

Meg said...

Really fun post! I loved The Virgin Suicides -- I'd rank that up there as a pretty forbidden-but-very-influential book from my teen years -- but haven't had a chance to grab Middlesex yet. Now I'm thoroughly intrigued!

heidenkind said...

Um, is there a "stick in the microwave" version? ;)

Susan said...

Delightful review! I think it's a new calling! I have this sitting in my pile and will anticipate turning the pages...my mouth is watering!

Nicole (Linus's Blanket) said...

I agree wholeheartedly with those who are calling for more recipes. I loved this! get cooking.

Anna said...

What a great post! I hope there are more like this in the future!

I didn't like The Virgin Suicides, but I'll keep Middlesex in mind.

Kathleen said...

You ladies ROCK!!!

Avid Reader said...

Brilliant review Sandy! I loved the book (esp in audio) and this is the best review I've ever found of it.

Michelle said...

I have this cued up to be my next audio. I can't wait to start listening now!!

Melissa M said...

Love this!! I have had Middlesex on my shelf for EVER and really want to read it now.

Dawn @ sheIsTooFondOfBooks said...

How did you two cook this up!?? Fantastic and fun review!

I'm right there with Jenners -- I read both THE VIRGIN SUICIDES (eh, I wouldn't order it again)and MIDDLESEX (I want this on the Specials Menu every time I eat at your unique cafe)

Have you listened to other audios narrated by Kristoffer Tabori, Sandy?

Alice Teh said...

What a feast! I read and re-read this and thought to myself, wow, you two are fantabulous!